Should I Break Up With My Partner?
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but if you’re reading this article looking for someone to tell you whether you should break up with your boyfriend or girlfriend, you’re barking up the wrong tree. I don’t have that answer. In fact, nowhere you look will have the answer-- no YouTube influencer or self-help book will tell you whether you should break up with your partner.
I don’t blame you for searching, though!
We are raised to look outside of ourselves for all the answers: we look to fashion magazines to tell us how to dress, we look to influencers to tell us what products to use, we look to Rom Coms to tell us what a perfect relationship should look like.
The compass we’ve been following our whole lives has lived outside of ourselves.
So it makes sense that, when you come to a bump in the road in your relationship, you would go to Google or a blog to seek out the correct answer.
Here’s the truth: everything you need to know lies inside your own body. It’s what I call your inner compass. And if you take the time to listen, your inner compass is one powerful source of information! It will tell you exactly what to do so you’ll have no doubt about your decision to break up or stay together.
Now you may be asking: how? How do I listen to my inner compass? What is it trying to tell me?
I got you!
Here are some tools I recommend to my clients and ones that I use on a daily basis to help me tune in:
Slow down.
The hustle-induced rhythm of our daily lives is designed to be in flow with the outside world, not our internal worlds. The rhythms of our bodies are much, much slower than we typically move. Take time to slow down your life-- walk or drive slower to your appointments, slow down your eating, take some deep breaths when you wake up in the morning before checking your phone, bring more intention to your daily tasks (brushing your teeth, chopping vegetables, tying your shoes, etc.).
Start Journaling.
Journaling is like breakup medicine. I have lots of resources here to help you start your breakup journal, including a list of 50 journal prompts to get you going. The easiest way to start a breakup journal: set a timer for 10 minutes and start writing. Do it daily, ideally at the same time every day. As you purge out the clutter in your head, your inner wisdom will begin to shine through.
Mindful movement.
Exercise is great and all, but it doesn’t actually allow us to listen to our bodies. It’s another way we follow external messages for self-improvement. In this sense, mindful movement is the opposite of exercise; you are tuning into your body and moving the way your body wants to move. That might look like sensual dance or a nature walk. Take time to tune into your body and all the nuances of the ways you move.
Digital detox.
Let’s face it; we’re addicted! We’re addicted to checking our notifications, having phones with us at all times, and being constantly connected. It’s a whole lot of noise! Chances are you’re on your phone as you read this very article. Our devices are incredibly distracting. They distract us from staying connected with our own friends and family members AND they distract us from staying connected to our inner compass. If you’re looking for clarity on your relationship, start setting some firm boundaries with your devices (ex. I will turn off my phone after 8pm, I will turn off Instagram notifications, I will delete the Facebook app from my phone, etc.).
Connect with community.
Breaking up is lonely. Thinking about breaking up can be even lonelier. And suffering in silence only exacerbates the isolation of it all. That’s why it’s essential to have a support system. This might be a few best friends who have your back, a Facebook community of strangers going through the same thing, or a coach who can guide you through it. Make sure you surround yourself with an awesome community of supportive humans where you feel safe to share vulnerably.
At the end of the day, the clarity you are seeking is inside of you-- it’s a little voice called your inner compass. You won’t find the answer about your breakup in a YouTube video or Google search result.
The question is: do you trust yourself?
If you’re curious about what it looks like to work with a breakup coach, and how I can help you get clarity on your situation, book a free discovery call, and we can see if it would be a good fit to work together.
