The Ultimate Guide to Dating Yourself After a Breakup
One of my favorite assignments to give to my recently heartbroken friends (aka YOU) is: take yourself on a date.
Because you are a whole lot of freakin’ fun, sister. So why would you hoard all that magic for other people and deprive yourself of it?
No matter where you are in your love life (dating, single, recently single, married), dating yourself is an eye-opening, recharging, empowering experience, one that every single human should give themselves on a regular basis.
Here’s why dating yourself is the best thing you can do for your broken heart:
It gives you your power back!
In many breakups, there’s a loss of power. This could be a time we violated our own boundary for the other person, a time we held back from saying what we really wanted to say, a time we followed the advice of someone else instead of listening to our own inner voice. Each of those moments drain our power, little by little, pulling us away from our true selves.
Dating yourself is a way to get to know you again, to tune into what feels good for you. Give yourself the time to slow down, enjoy your own company, and reclaim your personal power.
You don’t have to rely on anybody else.
No more waiting! No waiting by the phone for a text message invitation. No waiting for someone else to take you on an adventure or host a romantic evening in. No waiting for someone to swipe right on your profile. And bonus! You get to avoid the awkwardness of those first date conversations.
This date time is 100% yours! So create it exactly how you want it.
You will grow.
Taking yourself on a date can be confronting. You may have some fear or resistance come up about going out alone. It reminds me of that episode of Sex and the City where Carrie Bradshaw is afraid to dine out by herself because she’s afraid of how it looks to other people. By the end of the episode, she overcomes this totally irrational fear (because it doesn’t matter what other people think) and actually enjoys the time alone. Allow yourself to be surprised and delighted by the experience, and if you feel fear come up, just get curious about it.
Now, even though I did say this experience is fully your creation, there are a few rules to dating yourself that I encourage you to follow if you want to make this the best date experience ever.
A few ground rules:
Phones away
In uncomfortable situations, we tend to reach for our devices. These distractions pull you out of the moment and, let’s be honest, it’s kind of rude to do that to yourself. Leave your phone in a drawer or in the car so you won’t be tempted to check your DMs during your date.
Do what feels good to you
Only you know your body and your desires. Plan dates that your body shouts an emphatic “YES” to. Reference this list of date ideas, and listen for your “YES” when you read one that really stands out to you.
Put attention into it
Treat this experience with the exquisite care and attention you would give to dating the love of your life. Plan the date exactly like you would want your perfect partner to plan it, leaving no detail unturned.
Date yourself consistently
This is not a one and done kind of thing. Dating yourself should be a regular event on your calendar. Especially when you start dating other people again, planning a hot date with yourself is a great way to come back to you and remember who you are.
Want some hot ideas for dating yourself? Check out this list.
